Inspired to Blog Again Again

I hope this is not a terrible lapse in judgement but I want to open up a little more in my blog. I don't want to stir an already well-mixed pot but at this moment in time, I'm just kinda over being REALLY PC. If you are offended or feel like I've offended someone you may know, I ask you to please not share this blog. I hope to grow this blog towards strangers and other bloggers and away from small-town gossip. I am carefully considering how and where I share this post and I, kindly ask that you not share it with anyone that you think will be hurt  I will never mention names of anyone directly and if there's any trouble you can call my mom and she'll tell you that I'm a really good story-teller and I'm probably totally making it up.

I cannot believe it's almost been two years since my last post. Depressing. But I'm really going to try to keep things fairly short and simple. The temptation to try to summarize the last two years is, hopefully, something I can overcome but it goes completely against my nature (or abilities?). So, I'll blog about family and kids because they're fairly consuming but I also hope to blog about things that inspire me, handy-ish work I'm doing in my spare time (read time I should be doing other things). And, on a fairly regular basis, I'm guessing, if I keep this up, of course, my posts will be my version of confession. I think like most working and/or busy mom's, my biggest struggle is balancing responsibilities & work with kids, friendships and "me" time without a constant pang of guilt tearing away at my stomach. What IS that? So maybe if I have a record of what I feel I should kind of feel guilty about, I'll, either A) be more conscious of those things and, miraculously, my time management skills will focus and sharpen and I'll strut around a la Bridget Jones after her first date with Daniel Cleaver, with a new-found "I've got this licked" attitude OR B) see that maybe it's not all that bad. Either way, it has to be positive, right? At least for me, and, you know, things are probably just going to be more about me.

So today, I confess that my time-wasting activities are at an all-time high. Concurrently, so are the piles of things at home and work that NEED to be FINISHED (or at least addressed). Here they are more specifically:

• Recording my life in a kajillion different utilities or applications, such as,
• Facebook (jordan b adams penick)
• Twitter (@jordanb01)
• Instagram (@penick5)
• Pinterest  (@jordanb01)
• Evernote
• OmniFocus
• SnapCal
• the regular ol' iPhone Calendar
• a paper Calendar (why not)
• FourSquare
• Firefox Bookmarks
• Safari Bookmarks
• WebClipper
• Blogger (barely, I know)- so many improvements but had to relearn today
• Craft-Gawker
• Dwelling-Gawker
• Pocket
• Instructables
• Online Shopping (not much buying! just PLANNING to buy!)
• Amazon - okay I give them my money on a fairly regular basis
• Fab.com
• HauteLook
• Groupon
• Living Social
• Gilt
• Craigslist
• eBay
• Zappos
• Fbg Online Garage Sale Group on Facebook
• Thrift stores - We have 4 in town but I really only go to 2. I'll just casually mention I love a good garage sale right here, but no need for its own bullet. 
• Blogs & websites like Curbly, AT, Design*Sponge, and the ones I find along the way that I add to my feed
• Knitting - only 20 or so rows at a time of things that do not have a plan or known purpose
• Crochet - same story - Shocker!
• Variety & Logic Puzzle Books - not just by the bed or in the bathroom, they're in my purse,  my car, etc. Shameful. Do I think I'm on vacation? 
• iPhone & iPad apps & games - they get their own list
• Flow - I finally beat the game and deleted it from my phone! But its still on the iPad and tempts me here and there, especially, when there is a sink full of dishes. 
• Song Pop Free - you HAVE to play to get the coins to buy new genres! 
• Matching with Friends - this really could be a freebie, because I totally backed off on Scramble with Friends
• Smule Magic Piano - I discovered it through an ad from Song Pop Free. Typing it makes me want to drive home to get the iPad (so much easier on an iPad) and play. It's so relaxing but challenging and addicting. If I'm going to play, like SongPop, I HAVE to play often so I move up levels to get more coins to buy the cool songs. I can only play Fur Elise so many times but it will be worth it to play Landslide, right? 

Okay, I really think that's all of it. It ended up being a much longer list than I'd hoped for but maybe it's the cleansing I need to turn a corner towards being more productive. AND, on a positive (needing a pat on the back) note, Celebrity gossip and TV aren't on the list. I didn't even know Katie left Tom until Monday! Four days in the dark on something so huge. Okay, I do watch ALL Real Housewives Series but I DVR them and catch them when I can and usually in bed.  I'm pretty sure I could survive without TV (because RH episodes are online:) and it drives me crazy how much time the boys waste watching it. Shouldn't they be doing something productive? Oh, yeah. Nevermind.

After reading this list, I have NO DOUBT, everyone is flabbergasted my three-year-old is like six hand fulls of stubborn (and funny). I know willpower MIGHT be the obvious solution to some of these problems. It would also come in handy to get healthier physically and financially. But I really like the route of praying for a bail-out. Okay that's a joke. But what's NOT a joke is that I really want there to be some kind of sweet, kind, fun, happy, toddler (with a pacifier) boot camp, because that, over all the other things, makes me the most anxious. Who in the world am I? Well, I guess I know who I'm not - and that's a 26 year-old with no concept of life with 3 kids at different stages with different challenges with a husband that works in this unforgiving Texas heat with little energy to do much more with a major fixer-upper of a house purchased when the husband wasn't swinging a hammer quite as much at work, all the while "co-parenting" (if you can call it that) with a mom that is truly, seriously, and explicitly more unbelievable than any character in any novel that I've ever read. TANGENT ALERT!!! (Skip this part if you don't like controversy or people that get off-topic.) Hmmm, I haven't read it but I hear the dude in 50 Shades of Grey is pretty messed-up. If he lacked the ability or chose not to be clear about his crazy or understand his crazy or own his crazy and just did the crazy stuff without any warning that its gonna get crazy and then tried to pass off the crazy as "normal", that's where he'd converge with this, for all practical purposes, permanent fixture in my life.  (You know, we're all crazy, but owning your crazy is key. That's fact, not just my opinion. Seriously. You can ask.) Oh yeah, I'm also not someone with no concept of having a husband (remember how tired he is!) in a 3 year custody disagreement with that crazy lady that shopped around for a matching crazy-lady attorney that technically harassed my tired husband with stupid motion-filings and mumbo jumbo annoying enough for a mediator to lose focus of WHAT'S BEST FOR THE CHILDREN AS WRITTEN IN THE TEXAS FAMILY CODE and encourage my tired husband to compromise with said crazy -ladies when there's NO question, my husband never should have been put in the position to decide. *deep breath*  Because the LAW should have protected him from that. And I know a judge likes a mediator that keeps it out of court, but I'm pretty sure I will FOREVER have a bad opinion of mediators. If you happen to be a mediator, I am willing to hear you out and look forward to discussing, when and where and why Texas Family Law staying out of court trumped the best interest of the children or the actual Code being upheld and, at what point, your personal conscience might kick in during a mediation and you will have the balls to say, this is absurd and a judge needs to hear it and Parent A is frivolous and hasn't fulfilled ONE obligation set forth in temporary orders or the orders from the previous TWO mediations and Parent B has ONLY followed through on everything he/she was "ordered" to do and worked his/her tail off to pick up the slack for Parent A. If you're a judge, we also need to talk about your districts mediation culture. It is a term. It is.

Dang, where was I? Anyway, I'm owning that I have a few issues. But I think some guilt comes from becoming more okay all the time with not getting everything done?! I have, what I believe to be, excellent relationships with all three kids. They are healthy. We do own a home, no matter how much fixing up it needs. I love this small town. We have an insane amount of support from our extended families. When I get through the paper monster I have staring me down at the bakery, I'm excited about new ideas and projects on the horizon. I still, somehow, believe that I will figure out how to squeeze in writing a novel at some point or, at least, an advice column of some sort (hello, I'm obviously a genius about everything and therefore qualified to advise the world. obviously). Pretty sure I'm about to discover more hours in a day and take my crafting and creating by storm and an awesome jewelry or accessories or handmade home-decor business just might magically appear, while being the perfect wife, mom, stepmom, employee, and booster club and/or PTA member and/or officer(s). Luckily, all of my unplanned wordiness - the exact opposite of the "short & sweet" I promised in the beginning - just helped me discover that I do know something that I am and it's actually what  I've always been: an optimist. Maybe I'm not always moving in a forward direction but I never lose faith that I will.