Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day Part 1

So, Mother's Day is a sensitive day in our household. The first mother's day after Derrek & I got married, I was a little forgotten. Actually, you could go as far to say totally forgotten. I didn't expect anything big. I didn't want a gift or flowers. I just wanted one of the 3 people that made me feel like a mother (Derrek, Blake & Ashley) to maybe say Happy Mother's Day to me. Many of my close friends and family know that since the second Derrek & I decided to be in a relationship, my devotion to Blake & Ashley was even consuming at times. They filled my heart like I'd never known. They let me in and I jumped in with both feet. Loving them and feeding them and dressing them and taking them to school and helping with homework and doctors and disciplining them (even when I didn't really know what I was doing) and, well, you get the point. I'd spent the previous Mother's Days helping them prepare special things for their mom and I know to them, their mother, OF COURSE, is what mother's day is about. But I thought, now that I was OFFICIALLY their step-mom, I'd get a little recognition. I'm not here to bash any of them either! Step families are tricky business. I am part of a step-legacy at this point. I get the drill. In fact, until Blake & Ashley left that day with their mom, I don't think even I realized how high I'd gotten my hopes that they would be as excited as me on that day that I had made the "mom club" even by marriage! I'm thinking my mom even made a call to my husband that day. When I got home from work, there was a card and flowers and hugs and apologies. He appreciated my devastation in a way - not because I was sad but just because it kind of startles you sometimes when others, even relatives, love your children so much. I really understand that now that I have Cash. So, we've had some growing pains. This year, Blake & Ashley are with their mom until this evening and Cash has been with my mom all weekend. (I'm about to walk out the door to meet her halfway to pick him up). Ashley texted this morning "Hey George". Then she called an hour or two later because she needed me to do something for her. Still, a little phrase was missing from our conversation. Derrek (always on his Mother's Day game now) & his brother, Dac cooked an awesome breakfast for everyone this morning and I told Derrek she'd forgotten. He disappeared for a bit and then a text from her magically appeared! "Happy Mother's Day!!!" I was a little bummed this morning but the more I think about it, the better I feel. If I had to write down the ways and times I've taken my mother for granted or probably forgotten to say "Happy Birthday" or "Happy Mother's Day" or "Happy Anniversary" or, even "how are you?" or "how are you feeling?" Or "what can I do for you?" I'd have a book that weighed more than I could carry. I have no doubt in my mind that Blake & Ashley love me as much as I love them. Mother's Day isn't needed to reaffirm that fact. In fact, I'm going with the philosophy that these small oversights actually mean that they love me as deeply as I love my own mother. I'm kidding myself to think I'm as unselfish and as giving and as unconditionally loving and as devoted and as self-sacrificing as she has been to me and my sister but I know she's been a good coach and there's an excellent probability that some of her has rubbed off on me. One day, they'll remember all by themselves to say Happy Mother's Day but by being who they are I'm reminded daily that I'm where I'm supposed to be in life. This is the day I get to relish in that.